


Still Deadly

by pdorkaa



Series: readers [4]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe, Attempted Seduction, Awkwardness, Chaptered, Eventual Sex, F/M, Fluffy Ending, Headcanon, Masturbation, ish, this got out of control
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-06
Updated: 2017-03-09
Packaged: 2018-05-18 13:12:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5929687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pdorkaa/pseuds/pdorkaa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em> "if, like, Orochimaru suddenly appeared in this universe, then he'd basically just be a big goofball of emotion and snark because obviously he couldn't channel any chakra." </em>
</p><p>Orochimaru appears in the middle of the night, in a pretty bad shape, and you're torn between helpless fangirling and freaking out, because Orochimaru! In your room! You actually get along, when, you know, he's conscious, but that takes time. Not having any chakra to channel isn't doing any good for him - he's frustrated, he hasn't got jutsu to use and he can't snake his way out of anything like he used to. He's not very scary for, like, 98% of the time.<br/>(Don't remind me of taijutsu.)</p><p>
  <em>Is not related to any of the other works in this series (with a sequel comin' up someday).</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> so i read something and i share this weird headcanon that Orochimaru without chakra is basically a huge pile of suppressed emotion and sass. still deadly, but in a nicer way?  
> oh, and we're ignoring the fact that he's supposed to speak Japanese, yes?

As the (faintly familiar) person who'd just appeared with a loud poof and a puff of smoke fell on your rug, you thought you'll piss yourself in bed. Which is very un-ladylike, but hey - you ain't exactly used to random people appearing from nowhere in the middle of the night.

After the initial shock wore down, you slowly peeled off the covers and started - although a little hesitantly - towards the body lying crumpled in the middle of your room.

Thank God your family went out of town for a week.

The person lying on your rug didn't move, didn't breathe properly and certainly wasn't going to introduce themselves. So you knelt down beside them, and pulled the strands of heavy, long black hair out of their face. Then sat back on your heels and cursed for a while.

He was familiar alright, but in the least favourable way possible.

Orochimaru.

Okay, okay, not to fret - you stood up and started in the direction of the bathroom to get a cold cloth to wash his face. Evil snake-villain or not, he was in bad shape. And you sure as hell weren't about to let a fictional villain vomit and then die on your rug, in the middle of your house. Exactly at midnight, if things weren't spooky enough already.

About that...

By the time you got back with the washcloth, he did vomit - now he was coughing up something, though still unconscious. Nice. He brought Kusanagi with him.

He was in bad shape, you noticed as you carefully pulled the sword away and cleaned his face. Vomiting aside, he was paler than usual - paler than the weird grey they'd coloured him - and he was beaten up quite badly. Not to mention dried blood around his mouth.

Still, as a shinobi, it's only natural you get a beating sometimes, so you didn't think twice of it. You had bigger problems; what to do with a suddenly materialised sick fictional character? To top it off, a suddenly materialised sick evil twisted villain character who's done awful things to everybody and has no morals and is one of the strongest shinobi and is a weird snake-creature?

Calm down, calm down. Chances are in this universe he cannot use his chakra as he could in anime-land. Plus he was still a person, no matter how twisted, in dire need of help. You decided with a certain kind of resignation that you'll at least take care of his wounds and put him into bed while he was unconscious. No one actually deserves to be left in this kind of state - it may only be your stupid belief, but you clung to it. Everyone deserves second chances. And, you thought, what better new chance than a completely different world without haters and full of new possibilities?

So you yanked your hair tie from your wrist and tied his hair up in a messy bun. He had beautiful, strong, silky hair, with a natural black colour and it was long, and beautiful... Duh, and yours is constantly messy, in knots that don't ever come undone and much shorter on top of that.

This was not the time to be envious of others' hair, though, so you quickly refocused on undoing his obi and pulling the bloody, dirty clothes off him.

Oh.

Oh.

You should've thought further ahead, because evil or not, damn, that was a sight to behold! Perfectly toned muscles and smooth skin and as the moonlight touched him it highlighted all the perfect curves and... It still wasn't the time to be distracted, you reminded yourself, and quickly pulled off his clothes.

Well. It could be considered as a violation of personal space and rights, but there was a really bad, though shallow cut on his side and a huge damaged area on his left thigh, which you couldn't have noticed with his clothes on. Plus, he was wearing underwear anyway. You gathered the messy clothes together and threw them into the washing machine on your way to get the first aid kit.

You carefully cleaned his wounds with alcohol and gently pulled together the edges of the cut with medical tape. You fished out some rolls of lint from the medical kit, and some bandages. You taped the lint to his skin covering the wound with the aforementioned medical tape and bandaged his side and waist. No use of taking care of injuries when he can pull them open with a bad move, you reasoned as you rolled the bandage around him. (Which wasn't really easy, since he couldn't hold his weight, being unconscious, so you had to reach under him everytime.)

The wound on his thigh was worse. It wasn't deep, but it was extensive, damaged skin and flesh stretching for a good ten times ten centimetres. Tiny particles of dirt and pieces of fabric have gotten caught in it. It certainly would have hurt a lot, were he awake, but since he was not, you cleaned the wound with relative ease.

Other than these, he had several minor cuts and bruises, nothing to worry about, really, and massive dirt covered him. You cleaned him up a bit, before fetching one of your dad's old white oversized t-shirts and carefully pulling it on him.

Now there was only one more problem to take care of.

How. On earth. Will you put him into the bed?

The man's at least eighty kilograms, no matter how lanky and snakey he looks like!

Right. Not to fret. But it would be nice to lift him without pulling his wounds. Or a hamstring.

(After considerable time spent thinking, planning and plotting, you hooked your arms under his and pulled him up to the bed after having him pulled over there. He wouldn't have much dignity left, but he wasn't awake to complain, so...)

Then, after tucking him in, you went out to the kitchen to have a nice cup of calming hot chocolate and a mental breakdown.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> he wakes!

You conveniently managed to forget about the person soundly sleeping in your bed as you buried yourself in your favourite book. In the first two hours, you checked him occasionally to see if he was still breathing, hadn't choked on his own toungue, hadn't started bleeding, etc., etc. But it was starting to wear on your nerves a tad, so you stopped and settled in the nice armchair across from him.

There was a raspy cough coming from the bed. You almost fell out of the armchair at the sound of it, and then quickly looked over to the bed - Orochimaru was stirring, clearly trying to get up on his elbows at least. You put down your book and hurried over to him.

"Easy, easy" you said, unsure of what else to say.

"Where am I?" He asked, his voice still hoarse, but slowly getting back its usual silky snakiness.

"Well, in my room." When you realised it didn't mean anything to him, you corrected yourself. "Uh, I think in an alternative universe."

He stayed silent, taking in his surroundings. Only now did you notice how hysterically hilarious the situation was; Orochimaru-sama, one of the main villains of an anime/manga series, was trying to sit up in your bed with the absolute worst case of beadhead, his hair (partly) in an awful bun, his face pale, ad he himself was squinting at the pale dawn sunlight filtering in through your curtains. He was coughing, and his purple markings made his puffed eyes stand out even more, his lips were chapped and dry. He had really nice eyes, by the way, a shade of amber you found quite appealing. (Even if the vertical reptile-pupil thing was freaky.)

"An alternative universe?" He asked back, narrowing his eyes.

"Yeah. I mean, in my world, up until this point, you were a... well, a fictional character."

He nods, barely, but it's there, then looks down at himself.

"What is this?" His tone was accusing, his eyes full of hatred. Or anger.

"Um, my father's shirt? You had pretty bad injuries."

"And you took care of them." He stated, and his voice took up a certain tone, a horrid silkiness that made the hairs on your neck stand. It was even more frightening than his anger before.

"Uh... Yeah. Well. Can you channel any chakra?" You asked carefully. If he can, then you're fucked. If he can't, well, you're still fucked, just not sideways.

He put his hands together in a seal and concentrated.

"No" he admitted reluctantly after a while. You silently blew out the breath you were holding in.

"Oh. Then, I think, it's safe to assume that this is a world without chakra. At least without the chakra you're used to" you said, taking yogis and the seven chakras and this kind of mumbo-jumbo into consideration.

He didn't answer.

"Um, so, how are you feeling?" You asked. He narrowed his eyes again, and you thought he wasn't going to answer, but he did.

"Better" he said, not looking at you. "Where are my clothes?"

"In the wash. They had blood and vomit on them." You grinned. Just a bit.

"How unfortunate" he drawled. Suddenly, his eyes widened and his tone dropped an octave as he whispered. "Kusanagi..."

"Oh, yes, you coughed that up while you were vomiting violently on my rug" you said, eyeing the (now cleaned) sword in the corner. You were starting to find your voice. Him not being able to kill you with three hand seals really did good to your confidence, apparently.

He, on the other hand, did not appreciate the sarcasm and shot you a look that sent shivers down your spine. He tried to get up.

"I don't think you should be doing that" you said as you put your hands on his shoulders and pushed him back to bed. Huh. Surprising how you didn't have any second thoughts. Maybe seeing him half-naked and patching him up also did good things to your confidence.

He growled. More like, hissed. Yuck.

"Do you want coffee? Or tea? I think I might have some Earl Grey left..."

"Coffee will be fine" he said with a dismissive wave of his hand, though he did frown while saying it. You shrugged. If he says so, then coffee'll be fine, really. His loss.

"Don't even dream of getting up while I'm gone" you warned him. "You may be an evil mastermind, but I didn't clean and worry the whole night just so you could tear up your wounds come morning."

When you came back to your room with two cups of steaming coffee, you did find him in the bed, though he sat up and bundled a pillow behind his back. You sighed.

"Here." He gave a tiny nod and accepted the offered cup.

"Uh-"

"What is it?" He asked, annoyed.

"You should brush out your hair. There's stuff caught in it." If your first assumption was right, then Orochimaru had a certain vanity. And...

He reached up and felt around his hair. He frowned, strangely attractive with sharp teeth and a deathglare.

"What... What did you do to me?" He snarled.

"Possibly saved you?" Your tone was indignant. Hell, you didn't think through what it'll be like to deal with him when he woke. Then again, what other choice did you have? Sit in bed until he mysteriously disappeared again?

He found the hair tie and pulled it out. Another pang of jealousy resonated in your chest as you saw how his hair spilt across his shoulders, flowing endlessly. This was bordering on obsession, really.

"And... I think you could use a shower, honestly." You scrunched up your nose a bit. "And wash your hair. I'll change your bandages after that."

"Listen" he hissed, his voice taking up that silky tone again, "I don't know who you think you are" he continued, voice dripping venom, "but you wouldn't order me around if you loved your limbs - or your delicate little fingers." He warned, drawing out the last 's' as a long hiss. Creepy.

"Well listen here, you snake" you started, possibly a bit more cocky than you should have, but you sure as hell weren't about to be used and abused in your own home, after saving him from ugly... Whatever. "Without me and my actions, you'd possibly be in worse conditions than you are now. I'm not about to fall on my knees for you as Kabuto does or any of your minions do!"

He cocked an eyebrow. "You have admirable knowledge" he said.

"Yeah. As I said, you're part of a fictional universe along with everything and everyone you know. It's not really admirable knowledge, it just means I don't have a life." You sighed, your tone already sarcastic - again.

A minute expression flickered through Orochimaru's face, something akin to amusement, but it was gone too fast for you to recognise it properly.

He pulled his legs up, then slowly, carefully slid them across the edge of the bed, and braced himself on his arms. For all his arrogant hauteur, he was still rickety.

"Do you need help getting there?" You asked, grinning.

He shot you a somewhat hurt look filled with anger. (An interesting combination.)

"Of course not. Where is it?"

You chuckled and got up to help him regardless.

"How old is this body?" You asked, just to distract him.

He, for good measure, was wholeheartedly fighting you all the way from your room to the bathroom, so maybe, just maybe he didn't have enough energy left to watch his brain-mouth filter.

"Twenty or twenty-one" he answered absentmindedly.

"Looks nice" you nodded, and sat him down on the lid of the toilet. "Wait a minute here."

When you got back with a pile of clothes - boxer briefs, a pair of shaggy sweatpants, another tee, socks - he was still hunched on the toilet lid, hilariously grotesque in your bathroom. For a moment you contemplated taking a picture, but you supposed he wouldn't take it very well. Still a super evil snake villain and everything.

"I suppose you can handle yourself" you said. "Here's a towel."

He glared at you, yellow-amber eyes flaring viciously, but he accepted the clothes and towel. You shut the bathroom door and went to get yourself another coffee. This was going to be a really, really long day.


	3. Chapter 3

He found you seated on the balcony, sipping your coffee. His hair was damp, clinging to his face and back, and he himself was wearing a nasty grin and looking positively dangerous.

You swallowed hard, choosing to ignore the obvious killing intent he was radiating. "So... How are your wounds?"

He didn't answer, but his expression was turning more smug by the moment. He slowly raised the hem of the white t-shirt he was wearing, trailing his fingers over his pale abs as he was pulling up the fabric, until he reached the bloody mess of an injury on his side. It looked better than last night, true, but it had taken up a stomach-turning yellowish hue and skin was peeling away in large chunks.

"Ugh" you frowned. "It got infected" you said, tearing your eyes away from his perfect body and the wound.

"No" he said. You were getting uneasy from the constant hissing he was performing. "It's the way I heal."

"Ah, the modifications to your already reptile-like body" you sassed, but it wasn't coming naturally. Snark also didn't get rid of the feeling that something was clogging your throat.

He flashed an even uglier grin than before.

"Tell me," he started, "is there anything I can do to repay your... Services?" He asked.

Oh, you understood how he managed to get on top of the list of cunning villains.

"Stop with the manipulative bullshit" you protested, keeping your eyes closed. "And for God's sake, stop the constant hissing!"

You opened your eyes to see him sitting back in the chair across you. It suspiciously looked like as if he was leaning a bit too close to you. Ew. He was also wearing a clearly amused expression.

"It will be delicious to kill you" he drawled. Or hissed. Or whatever, you weren't really in the best possible state of mind to determine which category would his voice fall in at the moment. You were shivering. But then you noticed something, as you watched him retract that unnaturally long tongue of his.

It was the briefest of expressions, more like an impression in your brain than an actual sight, but it was there. He himself was thrown off, just the way you were - he was only better at hiding it. He narrowed his eyes, he alternated between sweet, cunning, deadly words and frightening, venomous deadly words, he was snarky, he jabbed, he used every method of his of psychological abuse - but there was fear, although well-masked, in his eyes. Huh.

You supposed suddenly being thrown into a completely different world with no means of actually defending oneself (sure, he must be a capable warrior in this world, too, but for the time being, his injuries kept him from slicing your throat with Kusanagi) must be frightening even to a genetically modified snake-man. And to be at the mercy of a young girl!

"Right. I'm sure I'd taste good." You deadpanned, newfound courage settling comfortably in your chest. Something told you that he'd appreciate someone who isn't his instant enemy or isn't bowing their head to his superiority right as they see him.

He snorted.

"So, any ideas as to how did you get here?" You asked, trying not to gloat about entertaining him. He took back of the killing intent, too.

"I was retreating. I was about to perform a summoning" he said cautiously.

"Retreating" you echoed. "You got your ass kicked" you pointed out, then stopped. Maybe it's not the time to insult the freaky killer sitting across you. "You think it's a Kuchiyose went bad?"

He slowly nodded. "It was part of my strategy. I trusted Manda with the task of summoning me to their land. I supposed things could get... heated. I knew then I would need the help of the serpents to heal."

"Yeah, trust the creatures without hands to perform a summoning and wait for everything to go smoothly" you said. It was annoying, the way he chose his words carefully before speaking. It was like he was trying to find the most neutral way of expressing himself, steering clear from anything that could give away information. Like a snake among the high grass.

Still, his way of speaking gave away the piece of information about him that he did not want to go advertising his story even here, where he could be certain that you were, in fact, not actively trying to do him in.

"You are highly disrespectful" he warned. He brushed out a strand of damp hair from his face, and tilted his head to reveal a surprisingly long and smooth line of neck. He was still unearthly pale, but in the sunlight, you could see how his skin got a little colour to it. Reptile, huh?

A terrifying thought occured to you - he was resembling a snake in so many ways, why not the pheromones? It explained everything and it made everything all the creepier. It explained his slow, teasing way of lifting his t-shirt to show the wound. (Honestly, why else would he show the wound to you when he was so reluctant to let you take care of him anyways?) It explained how he played with strands of his hair. It explained the way he revealed the pale skin of his neck. It explained why he leaned so close to you. It explained the light in his eyes when he did these - seemingly - little things.

Okay, even if he cannot use his chakra, you still very well may be fucked sideways.

"Stop... Just stop emitting pheromones, will you?" You asked, tone harsher than it should have been, but you didn't really mind that. Right now, your sanity was your primary concern. You certainly weren't going to be running around being attracted to a pale, greyish snake-man with slits for pupils and long, lustrous, luscious, beautiful hair and... no.

You shook your head to chase away these thoughts.

Orochimaru, on the other hand, dragged one corner of his mouth into an amused grin and tilted his head back in its original position but otherwise remained still. Slowly, you could feel the pressure you didn't even know was there ease away from your senses.

"Thanks" you said dryly. Well. Small victories, right? "You hungry yet?"

He tilted his head, disgust eminent in his eyes. "I don't suppose you have anything even remotely resembling civilised food."

"Now you're just being mean" you shot back, inching your way between him and the balcony window to get inside. You chose to ignore the way he - his hand, hopefully - brushed against your thigh. You shrugged and tried to get rid of the sensation. Yes - it was going to be a tiring day.

 

Until it was past ten in the evening, things went rather... smoothly.

You spent the day reading, Orochimaru spent the day making complaints about everything in the near vicinity of him and peeling away the dead skin from the wound on his side. Which was super terrifying, but it was at least better than him keeping you in constant terror. Which he tried, for two whole hours in the early afternoon.

After he got tired of peeling away the dead skin, he took to playing with Kusanagi. That got old in half an hour, though, so now he was snaking his way around the house, looking into every corner, asking questions about this or that.

You very deliberately focused on your book the whole day. Except when you had to reheat last day's chicken for lunch. (Guess who complained about it.)

But as it was getting late, Orochimaru got quieter and quieter. At five to ten, you looked up to see him sleeping soundly on the couch in the other corner of the living room. You sighed, and stood up to wake him and tell him he should turn in.

"Orochimaru" you said, touching his shoulder lightly. "Oh my God!" you shrieked when you found yourself under him.

Apparently, his instincts have kicked in, and he turned you over in a flash, pinning you to the couch. Wow, battle training. Not frightening at all. He loosened his hold as soon he could focus; he still wasn't perfectly awake. Now that's soothing, that he could kill you while he's half-asleep...

He exhaled, then he pulled away, straightening up with one long, languid motion. "What is it?"

You were leaning on your elbows now, perfectly happy that you were still breathing. Your blood was still rushing in your ears and your heart was still beating in a crazy rhythm, but, you know, at least you were still alive. For that, a little adrenaline's totally worth it.

"I was going to try and wake you up, then tell you you should go to bed" you said while puffing out a large breath.

He scoffed. "I have no need for reminders" he said. You almost laughed out loud at that.

"Mighty villain or not, you fell asleep on the couch in the living room. That's saying something." You thought to risk a cheekier tone. Maybe it's not getting you killed.

"Aren't you coming?" He asked after a serious bit of thinking. Now that was really out of character for him to say.

But suddenly, you found you wanted nothing more than to go with him, to fall in your bed next to him, to feel his cold fingers leave blazing trails on your skin in their wake, to watch as his hair falls from his perfect shoulders, as his pale skin glows in the night as he touches you, kisses you and bites y-- wait.

"You're doing the pheromone thing again" you warned, though it missed its edge. It may or may not have been because of the slippery, hot wetness between your thighs and the shaky breath you just exhaled.

"You have no way of knowing, with your underdeveloped senses" he hissed.

"Well, I'm usually not attracted to things that have fangs, scales or are hissing" you said, raising an eyebrow. "Anyhow, no, I'm not coming. I'll take a bath first."

 

As you sunk into the pleasantly hot water, you felt your muscles relax. This day was anything but relaxing. You couldn't help but think about that... that vision of sorts that he made you see. He may be a psycho, but he's a damn attractive one at that. And he must be a good lay too.

For a moment, your responsible self resurfaced, telling you that a) it was a very, very bad, a horrible idea to get attracted to your homicidal housegest, and b) it was only the pheromone speaking. Because when he was still two-dimensional, you only spared a passing glance for him. Plus it's really not ethical to satisfy your needs with thoughts about someone who was in dire need of your help and who is probably an emotionally unstable person with horrible past and several mental illnesses. Not to mention the fact that it should be frightening, it really should scare the crap out of you that he does want to devour your body in probably more than just the metaphorical sense.

But no matter how your responsible self reasoned, it was quickly drowned in (the bathwater) the feeling of your fingers against your clitoris, slowly teasing. You let your head rest on the edge of the bathtub as you stopped resisting the still very vivid collection of images in your head. The ones that Orochimaru conjured with a maddeningly sweet dose of pheromones just about ten minutes ago.

You could see it - you could see him, his lips parted, showing his sharp teeth, as he slowly leaned down to nibble on your ear and bite your neck lightly. You could feel his teeth grazing your skin, even leaving a mark, drawing a bit of blood. You could feel his tongue, that long, slim tongue against the skin of your neck, collarbone, breast. You could feel as he drew you closer with one arm snaking around you, using the other to get in between your legs. You could feel that hand teasing until it parted your folds, slowly sliding in a finger, curving it inside, and pulling it back out, agonisingly slowly. Your lips parted, your back arched, the bathwater was sloshing around in the tub, and your reasonable self was piping up with the piece of information that you were making an awful noise.

But there was oblivion, there was pleasure, all bundled up into one second, and it was blindingly good.

And the second you slouched back into the tub, you realised that this - whatever this truly was - was an abomination. An abominable crime against you and an attack against your senses. You felt sated, yes - but not pleasured. You just felt a hollow shell of something that felt like pleasure.

Because this was dirty and loathful. This was the result of that fulsome Orochimaru-induced haze you were suffering from.

You shivered, then shook your head. You climbed out and started drying yourself.

 

The bathwater got cold anyways.


	4. Chapter 4

It was early morning. You had a sense of utter calmness - a false sense of calmness, of course - as you were sipping your coffee, listening to the birds. You closed your eyes and sighed. The pale streaks of sunlight warmed your skin a bit as you slowly inhaled and exhaled, trying to relax.

Last night was awful.

"I feel sad for you" you said quietly, still sitting in one of the chairs on the balcony, knowing that he could hear you.

Soon enough, his head and then the rest of his body appeared in the window, slithering out from the crack between the windowpanes. He took a seat across you and inclined his head, never losing his nasty grin.

"What gives you the right to do that?" He asked, his tone all but dripping from sweet venom, much like the one you've already experienced.

"Believe it or not, I've had struggles myself, but I've never felt the need to rule over others" you said, shrugging. You spent almost the whole night awake, curled up in the armchair, watching him wearily.

Okay, wearily for the first three or four hours, then you noticed the way he slept. Of course, the first night didn't count because he was knocked out, but this - you watched as he slept, as he twisted his face up in an expression of unbearable pain, you saw fear, horror appear on those pale features, you saw as he found peace for a minute or two, then saw him falling back into that dark pit of terror again. It was as heartwrenching as it was worrying.

"What gives you the right to delve in my mind?" he elaborated, and his voice changed completely. It was no longer silky and sweet; it seemed far too human for him and it radiated anger.

"And what gives you the right to mess with my feelings and desires?" You asked, voice quiet and serious.

"The strong will feast - the weak will be feasted on." He said it with a mad glint in his eyes, but it wasn't as convincing as it would have been, say, yesterday. You flinched, but only a little.

"I saw you sleeping. I have seen everything."

Orochimaru chuckled. "Hardly."

"Well, I know pain and fear when I see it" you said, looking him in the eye. "Been there." You added, muttering.

He, surprisingly, didn't say anything. You took a deep breath and closed your eyes. "I'm sorry you had to crash here of all places" you said.

When you opened your eyes, Orochimaru wasn't there.

 

The morning was calm. You didn't feel the suffocating need for any physical contact with him anymore; you supposed he stopped oozing his pheromones. Actually, you didn't even catch sight of him until you had to get something from your parents' room - there he was, curled up in the spot where the sunlight fell on the floor, napping.

You chuckled. Reptile, huh?

It wasn't until noon that you supposed you should go ask him if he was feeling particularly hungry.

"Hey" you called, standing in the doorway. He was half in the shadows now. He stirred, eyes snapping open at once.

"What?"

"I was wondering if you were hungry."

He didn't answer immediately, but you didn't miss as his long tongue lapped at his lips.

"I was under the impression you didn't have any food left" he drawled lazily, stretching.

"Well, I suppose we do have to go shopping" you mused, enjoying the sight of an unguarded Orochimaru as he stood and slowly raised his mental walls.

"We?" He asked back.

"Yeah, I mean, you live here, you should help a bit" you grinned, falling back into the easy banter you had with him yesterday, when he wasn't trying to... Yeah. Anyway, your fridge was in grave need of refilling, so whether he was coming or not, you were fucking going shopping. "Plus, wouldn't it be nice to go out a bit?"

"I don't live here" he snarled, putting all emphasis he could on the word 'live' so you were feeling even worse than before. After a stretch of really uncomfortable silence, he added under his breath: "I'm coming."

"Wonderful!" You clapped, adding an unhealthy amount of mirth. It made him cringe, and that made you laugh.

Something was different. You couldn't put your finger on it, but the tense air that was between you yesterday had disappeared; instead, there was unbearable awkwardness.

Huh. You've heard - alright, seen on TV - that Orochimaru wasn't supposed to be good with people when he wasn't manipulating them, but this was a whole new level of amusing.

And a bit unsettling, given that you had no clue as to why he has stopped manipulating you and trying to rule you.

"Well, c'mon, I actually have to cook today" you nudged him. Verbally, of course. You supposed he wouldn't take physical contact very well.

The way to the shop wasn't long - all you had to do was exit the building and then walk two corners.

If someone had told you two weeks ago that Orochimaru was like a little girl clinging to her mother between people he doesn't have any knowledge of, you would've laughed them in the face. Cliché, yes, but as with most things, there was an underlying, undeniable truth to it.

Because you wouldn't even be exaggerating when you say that he didn't leave your side for a single minute. He wasn't exactly hovering - you assumed that he would've liked to preserve the last remaining piece of dignity - but he was constantly at arm's length, not looking away for a moment.

But.

People were staring. That actually explained why he wasn't leaving your side.

On the other hand, it threw you into a fit of rage. By the time you exited the store, your ears were smoking.

"What did you say?" Orochimaru asked, almost politely. Oh. Oh shit. You must've been muttering. You blew out the breath you didn't realise you were holding.

"It's just... People annoy me when they stare and judge."

He remained silent.

 

The day went by with surprising speed. You cooked, you two ate in silence, then Orochimaru disappeared somewhere and you lunged on the couch in the living room. Reading of course.

Awkward Orochimaru was worse than freaky killer-slash-psychopath Orochimaru.

"Hey" you called when you saw his hair flicker around a corner. He came back from the hallway and looked at you. You got up and went up to him, turning into the bathroom to get something. "Come" you said, looking back at him and sitting into one of the armchairs in the living room.

Ha came up to you, stood a little hesitantly in front of you.

"Sit" you motioned for him to take a seat in front of the armchair. He sat down, folded his legs underneath him in a seiza. Like much of his movements, this too had that certain snake-like fluidity to it.

"Turn around, for God's sake" you grinned as he turned slowly, watching his back. "Believe it or not, I'm not going to stab you in the back" you added, grin getting wider.

And this was the story of how you got to card your fingers (and your hairbrush) through Orochimaru's silky, long hair. It got really messy. Probably from the insane amount of turning and tossing he was performing the night before.

It was unfair, really. His hair was long, strong and beautiful, and as you carefully brushed the sizeable knots out, surprisingly few strands and single hairs got caught in the hairbrush. Duh. And you lost half of your hair when you tried to smooth it out. As you said, unfair.

The whole thing had a certain qrotesque tinge to it, though. That may or may not had something to do with you brushing out the hair of a fictional character. Like you would do to a little sister.

It was late afternoon, dusk almost, and the sweet, soft orange light illuminated the room. You could practically feel as the tension seeped away from his muscles and bones, and as the general awkwardness dissolved.

Well. To be blunt, it was a nice evening.

"Are you feeling any better?" You asked him after a while.

He gave an affirmative 'mm' and nodded. He mumbled a 'thank you' after some time as well, and you had to struggle not to laugh out loud.

"Doesn't it bother you, like, when you have epic fight scenes?" You asked, tugging gently on a strand of his hair.

"Never has" he said. Nice, the perks of being a drawn character. Bet he didn't have to pee at all while he was in fiction-land.

"Lately, however, it's been getting in my way." He still spoke like a snake. Well, as much as a snake can talk. He still sounded like one, rather. But his voice has lost the malevolent tone, and sounded... Soft. Kinder than before.

"Well" you tilted your head, "I have some ideas."

In a moment, he caught your wrist and turned to flash a particularly frightening glare. "Don't dream of cutting it" he hissed.

Oh. Ew. Hi, Old Orochimaru. Long time, no see!

"Would be a waste, really" you braced yourself. You absolutely weren't going to welcome Old Orochimaru. You liked the real one anyways. "I was thinking of doing some loose braid so it doesn't tangle so much and doesn't fall into your eyes all the time."

He contemplated that for a moment. Since he didn't say anything for a long while, you supposed it was an affirmative silence of sorts and started braiding his hair. Nothing fancy, of course, just a loose fishtail along his back.

"Done" you said cheekily. He turned to face you, and you wanted to bang your head against something, preferably something solid, because damn, he looked adorable. A-do-rab-le. A few shorter strands escaped and hung around his face, framing it perfectly, and he had this glint in his eyes. No, not the mad kind, the cute just-found-hope kind of glint. Yeah, small victories, man!

 

He went to sleep sometime after that. Since you've taken up sleeping in your parents' bed (obviously - it would've taken a sort of crazy masochistic personality disorder to go sleep in the same bed with him), you absolutely didn't have any reason to sit on the edge of your own bed and watch him for a minute. Um, fifteen minutes. (That's not really longer than one minute, after all.) Plus, no one can really blame you for how you admired the sight of him sleeping - finally - with a lot less of pain on his features.

Hypothetically, it could've been a bad case of getting attracted to the homicidal maniac of a houseguest you had.

Hypothetically.


	5. Chapter 5

Next morning, as you stumbled out to the kitchen with bleary eyes, you thought you heard a clatter coming from there. With growing curiosity, you peeked inside, only to be rewarded with a heart attack.

After you took a minute to calm down, you looked around to take in everything.

Orochimaru, who you've bumped into in the doorway, was sitting in the middle of the kitchen on a pile of ashes with an accusing look on his face. His hair was still braided, and something was smudged on his left cheek.

"Is that... Butter?" You asked, leaning closer and giving him a hand to help him up.

"No" he answered, rubbing at his cheek. Somehow it wasn't convincing.

Looking around, you also noticed that the toaster was smoking, and there was spilt milk on the counter.

"Um" you started, stifling a yawn. "What on earth happened here?"

He didn't answer, of course. He leaned down to pick up a thoroughly burnt piece of toast from the floor. The one he was sitting on just minutes before.

"Okay" you laughed, "you have some serious cleaning to do."

"Cleaning is the work of peasants" he drawled.

"Cleaning is the work of whoever makes a mess" you corrected, half-smiling.

"My genius would be wasted if I spared even a passing thought for mundane things" he said.

"Whoa there, Einstein, exactly what would 'your genius' do if I kicked you out because you were acting like an arrogant princess?"

"I would aim for world domination, of course." He answered at once. Oh. Of course.

Now that thought was definitely unsettling. Although the mental image of a disheveled, homeless Orochimaru wandering the streets, stopping people and begging for money for world domination was positively funny.

"Anyway, Your Highness, grab that kitchen towel and clean this up" you pointed to the patch of partly dried milk on the counter. You grabbed the vacuum cleaner and started vacuuming up the pile of crumbled toasts.

Sooner than you could blink, he was perched on top of the counter, violently hissing at said vacuum cleaner.

You almost fell on your ass laughing. By the time you reached the button to turn off the machine, tears were streaming down on your cheeks.

"I thought... Oh my God... I thought only dogs did that!" You laughed, gasping for air.

He came down with the most grace and dignity he could manage.

"What is that hellish appliance?"

"This" you pointed at the machine, "is a vacuum cleaner. It sucks in air, so it can suck in the dirt and that pile of ashes you just made." You explained. "See?" You asked, turning it back on, aiming its head towards your palm. "It's okay."

"Don't you push that anywhere near me!" He warned, and you pulled back the vaccuum cleaner.

"Come on, it means no harm" you chided.

"I'm sure."

But he didn't sound sure at all.

 

Other than this morning interlude, the next few days went by with an easy camaraderie between you two. He jabbed, you shot back, or you called him out on his quirks - not surprisingly he had a whole shitload of them - and he insulted you half-heartedly. It was fun, really.

However, the best was hands down the moment when after a considerable amount of loud splashing, clattering and hissing, he called your name.

He said it really quietly, almost as if he hoped that you wouldn't hear it. Well, bad for him.

You peeked inside the bathroom, and found him there, but he certainly wasn't in the state you were expecting. For example, he was naked. What's more, he was sitting up in the bathtub, covered in a myriad of bubbles. He also had the shower curtain twisted around his neck, and his body seemed... Well, it was somehow extended. You figured it had to do with the snake stuff that he's done to his body. You also noticed some of the lotion and shampoo bottles floating around him in the water.

"I'm really starting to think that you are incapable of living a simple human life" you joked as you tried to free him from the vicious choke-hold he'd trapped himself in. After all, the shower curtain was feeling particularly bloodthirsty lately, it was not surprising he needed the help. "What's with the snakey stuff?"

After some mumbling, he admitted to having tried to slither out from the tangled curtain. Apparently, he just managed to tie it around himself even tighter than it was before.

"But why didn't you just, I don't know, use your hands?" It wasn't surprising, really, that you didn't get an answer to that.

Sadly (or not), as you pulled the shower curtain aside, it revealed another problem of his - a rather large one at that.

You felt yourself turning beet red as you desperately tried to keep up the light tone. "I suggest you take care of that yourself" you said, pointing vaguely at the water. At him in the water. Oh.

To his credit, he didn't say anything. Old Orochimaru would have said something very obnoxious while emitting pheromones, asking for your help and then he would have drowned you in the bathwater.

Yeah, you certainly liked the somewhat-reformed Orochimaru better.

But yeah, other than this, the days went smoothly. You actually got comfortable around him, piling your legs up in his lap or doing more and more intricate braids in his hair or enlisting him to help cook. He was getting comfortable as well, not flinching when you touched him, not complaining about your cooking, his puns getting bolder by the moment. If this goes on, you thought, you'll die from sass overdose.

He was a good company without the genius evil mastermind twisted villain allure. Undead. Did you mention undead? Not talking about the bodyswap-thing was also a huge improvement, by the way.

He still had those weird, creepy snake things though. Like when you couldn't reach something, he extended a hand after merciless teasing. But not just, like, extended it as a normal human would have, but for long metres. Ew. He could do it with his neck and legs too. And with his tongue, which was a major ew. But the creepiest of all this were the times when you found a half-eaten piece of bread or meat or a fucking bird for God's sake, and really, even the bird would've been okay, were it not for the occasional discolouration of these half-eaten things. And not nice pink discolouration. Greenish yellow discolouration that screamed 'venom'. 

His wounds, at least, were on their merry way of healing. There was no yellow goo and peeling skin anymore. Okay, there were scales that covered the skin around them, but you supposed they'd fade after a while. How did he phrase it? It's the way he heals. (Which is disgusting, but at least there was no yellow goo oozing from them. Which, in your opinion, was a huge step towards not being disgusting.) And of course the way you learnt about the state of his wounds was that you asked to see them. You definitely didn't do your fair share of staring in the bathroom the other day.

Being comfortable around each other had another huge benefit: when you were in dire need of clean panties or another t-shirt, you could just simply walk into your room without the paralysing fear of meeting him there. Which leads to awkward situations sometimes, but nothing more awkward than the bathroom scene, so yay!

 

One evening, as you were watching TV - well, you were watching it, he was going on about the stupidity of the people in this universe (you had to remind him time after time that you were watching a show, not actual documentaries) - you had a thought.

"Do you think you'll get back?" You asked, turning your head to look at him.

"I don't know" he answered. It sounded carefully neutral. You've learnt to recognise that tone as his way of not admitting his fears to himself - a couple of days ago, you'd thought it was just another method of manipulation.

"Are you afraid of not getting back, or are you afraid of getting back?" You asked, observation on-point.

"I am rarely afraid" he hissed.

"Sure, Bond, you're never afraid of anything" you said. "Especially not the vacuum cleaner."

"Bond?"

"Yeah, good-looking, suave, is never afraid, excellent marksman and... Completely fictional."

That exchange, however, had you thinking. He went through such a huge change in this few days that it was hardly imagimable that he would like to go back to supervillaining. On the other hand, it could be another method of manipulating you and he's actually itching to kill you. Which, to be honest, didn't seem very likely, given his behaviour, but you could never know for sure.

 

The following morning, after you took a pleasant shower, you found Orochimaru on the balcony, with a piece of (only slightly burnt) toast in his hands.

"Um, hey" you greeted him. "I don't suppose you want to take a shower" you said.

"Why?" He asked, eyes narrowing in suspicion.

"Well" you giggled, "after that... Incident, you seem reluctant to pay attention to such mundane things as personal hygiene."

He scoffed.

"Come on, having a shower wouldn't hurt. I even washed some other clothes for you. And there are your traditional clothes, too."

"These are more comfortable" he said. You couldn't help but grin. Sweatpants: 1, Orochimaru: 0.

In the end, you did manage to convince him about taking a shower.

There was only one slight little tiny itsy-bitsy problem with that.

Namely: naked, glistening, pale, toned Orochimaru. And if your brain wasn't making any sense, it was from the insane amount of coffee you drank this morning, and definitely not because of the sensory overload.

It was really only a good bit of coincidence. And bad karma. 

You'd decided you would acutally pull on some human clothes, so naturally you went into your room to fish out panties and a bra from your drawers. There wasn't anything even remotely worrying there.

Orochimaru was taking his time showering, and you let him be, nothing worrying on that front either.

About that...

As you turned around to get pants and a t-shirt as well, you suddenly got an eyeful of a very handsome, very naked Orochimaru. (Which led to the aforementioned sensory overload.)

Okay, not exceptionally naked, because he was wearing a short towel around his waist, but was otherwise still. Very. Naked. Besides, he wasn't only naked, he was almost completely healed (meaning that he only had faint hints of scales here and there), and, if that wasn't enough already, he still had tiny beads of water glistening on his pale skin. He brushed out his hair too - it was damp, but wasn't dripping, and looked unbelievably smooth.

And you just stood there, completely dumbfounded, sporting that 'deer in the headlights' look. Not to mention that you stood there wearing underwear. Matching underwear, thank the Lord for that, but underwear nonetheless.

He didn't seem like he minded that, though. He simply strode past you to get his clothes from the edge of your bed.

That was another thing about Orochimaru: mentally, he was incredibly insecure about himself. Hence the whole 'I'll destroy Konoha' thing. But about his body - he didn't seem to have the slightest bit of insecurity about his physique. Not that he looked bad, but in your experience, it was uncommon for people to have a hundred percent of confidence in their bodies. Then again, it could have something to do with the fact that he spent years modifying his body.

Well. Then that meant Orochimaru was the Hidden Continent version of a plastic babe. That thought made you laugh and giggle uncontrollably.

"What is it?" He asked, turning back to see what you were laughing at. 

Oh shit. The laughter immediately died in your throat as your brain catalogued the information that the towel he was wearing around his waist was in his hands now. From this point of view, it covered the sight of his... Ahem, private parts (thankfully-not thankfully), but as soon as he decided to move, you'd be dead meat.

"Nothing, just a weird joke" your mouth moved on autopilot. Huh. Close call.

But he - he nodded absent-mindedly, but didn't turn back to clothe himself. He instead dragged his eyes up along your body.

You shivered under his scrutiny. It was a long time ago that you felt uneasy around him, and you didn't welcome the feeling. It didn't miss your eyes that he dragged that unearthly long tongue of his across his lips. But this was wrong. You could feel your senses clouding, and that too was a feeling you didn't miss at all.

"Hey... Hey! Stop that!" You said. Uh. Y'know, it really was nice to know that you had enough brain function left to prevent such things from happening.

He snapped out of it, the tongue and the pressure against your senses both disappearing.

"Would you mind not doing that?" You asked as you turned around to pull on that damned t-shirt you were so hell-bent on wearing today. Seriously, if you could've just waited ten more minutes with dressing...

"I'm sorry. But you are..."

"Wait, wait-wait. Did you just say you were sorry?" You squinted. "That's it. You're getting presents. Lots of presents. Dress! We're going out!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, um. this thing was supposed to be only five chapters long, but somehow it managed to stretch itself out, so... it'll have six chapters, if i don't mess up the next one, because then i'm afraid it'll never end. sorry?


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry to spoil the fun, but i feel i have to warn y'all that there's some sex coming up. not really graphic.  
> also, finally! it's up! sorry for the huge delay :(  
> also, this may be full of silly typos and shit because i was writing on an off on at least four different devices. soon as i get my own phone back, there'll be a thorough spell-check - but i welcome anyone who points anything out. chances are you're better at finding my typos then i am :)
> 
> aaaaaaand....... a few have mentioned that they don't want it to end or are waiting for a sequel. well, it's in progress, and will be one of the next installations in the series 'Readers'.

Now the sight of Orochimaru in black leather converse (the one with the white laces), white-washed blue jeans and a dark green v-neck t-shirt was delicious. The green accentuated his yellowish eyes nicely, and the way the fabric of the jeans clung to him was just to die for. And his hair was half-up, which suited him very well.

You had practically yanked him out of the house and into the closest mall. You'd gotten him a pile of boxer briefs, a pair of jeans, a few tees and a couple of socks. Now, as you were walking home from the bus stop (him with a sizeable bag in his hands), you were still wondering how looking so edible was even possible.

As you got home, he carefully set his bags down and lay on the couch. His movements still had that freaky fluidity to them. Huh, guess some things never change. 

He had actually mumbled a 'thank you' somewhere along the way, and you were perfectly content with that. Go, nice Orochimaru!

But then, like, the absolute worst thing happened. You tripped.

Dun dun duunnn.

Okay, that's not the worst part, because yeah, you're a bit clumsy, you trip a lot, but when you fell, you fell on top of him. Right. On. Top of the edible Orochimaru in nice human-clothes and an overly cute hairdo. You felt like rolling your eyes at the terrible cliché and screaming from the heat it sent to your cheeks at once. Because it was a cliché all right - but then again, what other chance could've you gotten to stare into the beautiful eyes and (finally) open face of his?

After an unnaturally long amount of awkward silence, you climbed off him (possibly kneeling him into the balls if his wince was anything to go by), and muttered a sorry. He shrugged, but cocked an eyebrow.

"Not a problem" he hiss-said (which is totally a word now because it is the only way to describe the snakeish way he sometimes spoke) and sat up. You chose to ignore the cocked eyebrow.

Then, a thought struck you.

"Can you speak with snakes?" You asked him. He nodded with that carefully neutral expression.

You tilted your head to the side and put on your innocent expression. "How do you say... 'open!' ?"

He hissed something not really violent. It was more... soft, silky.

"Well, that sounds nothing like it" you concluded. He looked really puzzled, but didn't ask. Well, you supposed there was a serious movie marathon coming up tonight.

Oh, there was something else you should've remembered, but it was just quite out of your reach. Well, you shrugged, it really couldn't be that important anyways. (Like hell.)

In the end, you didn't have the movie marathon. Orochimaru was perfectly fine reading, and you happily handed him all the seven wonders of the Harry Potter series. He read them with a surprising speed, but when he decided he wanted to turn in, he still had three and a half books to go.

You were up long after that, because you had a bit of reading on your own, and really, you can't just put down a book in the middle of a chapter!

Okay, maybe you should have finished reading, like, five chapters ago, but you didn't really care - you only thought of sleeeeeep when you finally crashed on your bed.

But, as nothing can be perfect, you could only enjoy blissful sleep for five minutes at maximum, because then you could feel the mattress dip beneath you. Oh shit. Oh shit, shit, you accidentally just crawled in bed with Orochimaru, oh shit...

"M'sorry" was all you could manage, though, which was quite a contrast, given that your brain was still screaming 'oh shit' on the highest frequency. Orochimaru gave a noncommittal grunt, and you started to fall asleep again.

Really, nothing can be awkward when you're asleep. (Though next-morning you would disagree.)

 

Now the next morning was the definition of awkwardness. First, you woke up all tangled limbs and hair, because apparently, you like cuddling with nice strange freaky houseguests. Secondly, there was definitely something pressing against you, which you desperately tried to ignore. Moreover, said freaky houseguest in possession of said pushy body part was still soundly asleep half on top of you.

It was nice, actually, if you don't take the pushy thing into consideration. Really, that was okay too, because men, y'know? They can't help it. But it's really not nice and okay when said houseguest opens his eyes and stares blearily at you with a heart-wrenchingly cute expression. Snakes aren't supposed to be cute!

And the irony of it all. It was like fate was desperately trying to push you two together - first the bathroom scene, then you tripping and falling on top of him, then this... No. Definitely not getting attracted to the homicidal maniac in your bed. Who is only wearing a black pair of boxer briefs and black socks. And a messy bun (which suits him very nicely, and since you've taught him how to do his hair, he's just looking better and better).

"Morning" you said carefully.

"Good morning" he said softly, absent-mindedly brushing a strand of hair from your face. No, nooo, you definitely didn't get goosebumps. And no, you really didn't want to stay and cuddle with him any longer, so you mustered all the mental strength you had and asked:

"Breakfast?"

He turned his gaze towards the ceiling, thinking. "I'd like some tea." But he didn't move an inch. (Pushy body part still in its place.)

You reluctantly untangled your limbs from his. "Well, c'mon, it's already late" you said, glancing at the alarm clock.

After breakfast, he disappeared somewhere and you took to cleaning the dishes. After all, when your family gets home, you can't just stand here with a pile of dirty clothes and dishes and... Oh! Oh Lord, your family was getting home soon. How exactly will you explain Orochimaru? 'But, Mom, I know he's sleeping in my bed, but I'm not sleeping there with him! Well, there was this one occasion, but he was very nice about it! And it's not like he's a psycho, he just has this mythological sword...'

Terrifying. Your mom will have your head for this. Huh, at least you had some time before having to figure out what to say. A day or a day and a half. You supposed that was good.

Okay, not good, but at least there wasn't a reason to freak out. Plus the dishes don't magically clean themselves while you stand there freaking out, and that's all the more reason to calm down.

"Is there something wrong?" Orochimaru asked suddenly. You looked up to see him leaning on the wall next to the kitchen door, with something resembling worry in his amber eyes.

"No, everything's fine" you shrugged. It wasn't his problem, after all. "Put these back in the cabinet, please" you handed him a pile of plates. And that was that.

Yeah, maybe procrastination is a bad habit - but it's not exactly a habit that's easy to break. Plus suddenly you got a myriad of tasks to take care of, so it totally wasn't your fault that you couldn't find the time to think of presenting your houseguest (and definitely not crush, thank you very much) to your family.

 

Otherwise the day was calm and slow. The early afternoon found you two on the couch, TV on but muted, curtains half-closed. The whole thing was really intimate, the dim light, the way you were leaning on each other, the only sound being your breathing. Yeah, very nice and intimate, except for the bad case of butterflies in your stomach. Because let's be honest, Orochimaru was hot. And lately, he's been very nice too. And he likes cuddling and chocolate. Whoever likes cuddling and chocolate can't be a bad person, right? Right.

You snuggled closer, almost unconsciously, and buried your head deeper in the crook of his neck. You were booth snoozing, so it wasn't awkward. (You'd noticed he liked snoozing in sunny spots such as your couch and you right now.)

But there was a problem. You felt drawn to him, and this feeling was none akin to the pheromone-induced haze of attraction. This was true, genuine attraction you felt towards him and that presented a whole new string of other problems. Like, what if he's suddenly summoned? Like, what if he flees and does try to aim for world domination? Like, what if you'll have to introduce him as your boyfriend when your parents get back? Wait, what? No, no, that's just ridiculous, he's probably not attracted to you in any way. What if he's gay?

Orochimaru lifted his head, interrupting your train of thoughts. He looked at you with these sad puppy-eyes, with a golden glint in his irises, and quietly breathed out an 'I am sorry' before leaning closer.

The last coherent thought you had was 'not gay, then', before he touched his lips to yours. No teeth, which you were thankful for, because you certainly didn't want a trip to the hospital for venomous discolouration, and no tongue either, which was soothing, because let's face it, his tongue was unnaturally long. All in all, it was a really nice, chaste kiss, after which he practically sprinted to the other end of the house.

You just sat there for a minute, grinning like a fool and flapping your arms before following him to ask if he was okay.

Turns out he was more or less okay; he was sitting in your room, staring up at a big poster of some Japanese shrine on your wall. 

"You're feeling homesick" you concluded, sitting down next to him. He gave a tiny nod. 

"This reminds me of one of the shrines in Konoha" he said. 

"Well, I suppose Japan's not really different from Narutoland" you said, looking at the picture.

"What did you say?" He asked with that horrid silkiness in his voice and a good deal of killing intent radiating from him. Eek.

"Geez, chill out" you said, leaning away from him. "The show you're part of? It's called Naruto."

"I am a villain, then" he said with sadness in his voice.

"Honestly, I don't know what you were expecting" you put an arm around his shoulders. "Broken or not, there's no valid reason for harming others, sweetie" you said with a soft tone.

His shoulders shook a bit. "Sweetie?" He asked in a voice that was equal parts indignation and tears.

"Sorry" you shrugged. "I call everyone sweetie or honey sometimes. Especially when they're in the middle of an emotional breakdown." You tried to cheer things up a bit. He hummed and scuttled closer.

"I'm sure you'll get home" you said encouragingly, but your heart broke at the mere thought of it.

"I'm a villain. I have no love there. At least here I have you."

"That's very sweet, but you have Kabuto."

"He's twisted beyond repair. I made him be."

"Others would've thought you were twisted beyond repair, too. Don't be so bitter."

"But I'm so good at it" he joked half-heartedly. You rested your chin on his head and tightened the hug. Come on, if anyone needed more love in that universe, it was Obito, Itachi and Orochimaru. 

You were sitting like this for a good ten minutes. He stirred, probably because he got uncomfortable, and then straightened up.

"What is this... Japan like?"

"It's an amazing place, really, with rich cultural heritage, the newest inventions and the craziest people. Whatever you do, don't google it." He stared at you blankly, and you took that for not understanding the part about google. Well, all the better. And if there was something that you wouldn't do for Orochimaru, it was introducing him to the internet.

He closed his eyes and frowned. Then he said something so quickly and hissily that you couldn't catch a word of it.

"What was that?" You tilted your head. 

"Ishouldn'thavekissedyou" he said, still speaking very fast. 

"It's okay" you soothed him. Really, it was okay. If anything, it was beautiful. Yeah, a kiss is usually not 'beautiful', but this one was. It did throw you into a fit of fangirling and you had trouble breathing, but still, it was the nicest of things. "I'm not mad at you." You smiled.

He cracked one eye open and squinted at you. "You're not?"

Ah, you had to laugh. Poor Orochimaru, he hasn't been loved in the last few decades, has turned into a mighty villain, and here he was, afraid that you were mad at him for kissing you.

"No, I'm not." You smiled. Apparently, he took that for encouragement, because he leaned in and kissed you again. This was different from the first one, it got more heated and passionate. And there was a little tongue involved.

When he broke the kiss, you held his eyes for a second then leaned against his shoulder and let out a happy sigh. He moved away, and you feared that this was too much human interaction for him today, but he came back, pulling you close so your back was pressed against his chest. He carded his fingers through your hair.

"The tables have turned" you laughed as you felt him braiding your hair. Oh, the irony of it all. But the butterflies in your stomach have proven themselves to be useful; they suppressed the feeling of 'oh my God, what now?', and that, in your eyes, was a huge benefit of them.

He finished the braid and put his arms around you.  He buried his face in your neck. You muttered something about 'not giving me a cursed seal, are you', but honestly, it was such a nice moment to ruin, so you didn't raise your voice.

 

The evening found you two cuddled in your bed. Which was super awkward at first, but got very, very comfortable afterwards. As soon as Orochimaru figured out where to put his hands so no one was laying on any limbs thus cutting off circulation. Besides that, nothing much happened.

But the morning!

Pushy friend, check. Adorable bed-headed Orochimaru, check. Butterflies, check. Kiss, check. Wait, what?

Oh.

And really, if  the kiss got a little heated and he got a bit handsy, you certainly didn't mind that. You weren't one to complain anyways, since your hands were busy too. Especially on the perfect curves of his ass - the sweatpants really didn't do them justice.

Turns out you were so busy with making out you didn't notice it was already like, eleven. Well - no need for rush in any case. So with a quick glance at the clock, you went back to snuggling with Orochimaru. Which is super weird, if you think about the whole evil villain thing, and the bodyswap thing, and the human experimentation thing, and ew, major ew; cute Orochimaru, however, was not weird, if a bit awkward.

And he was a good kisser. And hey, what was wrong with a little kissing? Okay, and touching and things like that? It's not like you've never felt attraction towards him. True, some of that attraction was pheromone-induced, but that was only like, a third of it.

Why were you and your responsible self even arguing?

Orochimaru cut the argument short with a languid movement of his tongue - suddenly, your responsible self didn't care anymore. He put an arm around your waist, and rolled on his back, pulling you on top of him. Oh. This gave him room to trail his hands up along your spine, and soon the worn t-shirt you were sleeping in flew across the room. (Oh.)

Well, if he freed you of your clothes, it'd be totally appropriate to free him of some of his. Right? Right. So it was no surprise that after a while the two of you were snuggling and kissing completely naked.

"Oh, wait, wait" you breathed, reaching for the drawer on the bedside table.

"What is that?" He asked, apparently indignant as he looked at the small package in your hands.

"Sorry if I'm not willing to bear your children" you jabbed as you opened the condom and turned him over so you could roll it on. He was thoroughly surprised, but didn't  say a thing - he only let out a small, breathy, satisfied sigh as you lowered yourself onto him.

And it was perfect. Yeah, things are not usually perfect, and it's such a cliché, but it was perfect. He slowly turned you over and kissed your neck, jaw, breasts; and if his arms reached places they shouldn't have with their normal length, you were willing to overlook that.

And the pleasure, the pleasure, the sensations all over your skin and inside you; the feeling of his cold skin slide against yours; the sight of his amber eyes clouding and narrowing as he breathes out a sigh - all adding up and building an unbearable amount of tension inside you. Then - nothing, sweet nothing, just ringing in your ears as pleasure roamed through your body. (There may have been a loud cry, but that's not important.) Orochimaru thrusted still, for a little while, and then you distantly felt him collapsing on top of you. (No - Orochimaru didn't do 'collapsing'. His movements, as always, were bonelessly fluid. Or not so bonelessly, you smiled as you felt him twitch inside of you.)

He lifted his head, and looked at you; for a moment, there was a feral glint in his eyes, and he bowed his head to your throat - please, please just not a cursed seal, please - but suddenly, his movements softened, and he simply placed a kiss to the crook of your neck. There was also a faint, soft hissing sound, but you categorized that as 'content, satisfied Orochimaru' and didn't pay much attention to it.

Some time later - still in bed - he asked:

"Can you take me to this... Japan?"

You laughed a bit. Then sighed. "It's literally far from everything. And I'm sorry, buying you clothes is one thing, but a ticket to Japan is a bit pricey."

He nodded, then gave you a light kiss. Everything was just so calm, so perfect, and it was only like, one in the afternoon. And it looked like you were in for another round, based on his increasingly tentative kisses and touches. But all good things have to come to an end, right? Well, this time it went like this:

 

"We're home!"

 

Oh.

Shit.


	7. Chapter 7

guys

_guys_

[Still Deadly (Very Much So)](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10192706/chapters/22635752)


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